You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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