I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
