His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
