Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
