Don't make out with my wife yet
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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