I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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