This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
