He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
