I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
where are my eyebrows?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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