I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
