omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
