so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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