508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
