I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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