Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
