No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Operation Purity has been aborted
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
