can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
