how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
