They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
