I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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