OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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