have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
