I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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