thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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