the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
