You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
