He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
