Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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