oh god the rape fog is back!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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