i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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