Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
