So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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