for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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