I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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