Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
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I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
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I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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