shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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