I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
