We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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