and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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