walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
