you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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