This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
