He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
