She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
