I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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