She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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