it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You need a sexual gate keeper
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
