you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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