It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
