hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
