Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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