i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
