i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
