At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
