why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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