Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We're too hungover to prance.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
