Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
