I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
