But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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