dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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