She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
