apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
