We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
