even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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