I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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