i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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