if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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