i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
