margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
