I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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