Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
