It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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